I hear you. 100%. I feel the same as you all the time and like another commenter I also wanted to get pregnant. I have many similarities to you. I was an addict. I had an abusive partner. He desperately wanted a baby and then was the worst ever. He told my family too without any consultation. He even chose my daughters name. Every parent goes through this. I know I want very much for her father to be responsible too but also know that this is not best for her. Sometimes I sit on the kitchen floor and cry. I hear you and I get you and I want you to know you are not alone.