Thanks Alison, I really appreciate your comments here. I think my original fear when we broke up was that I would end up alone, but apart from occasionally, that's not something I worry about anymore. I have never had an equal relationship with a partner so I don't see any benefits on finding anyone. I would love to have a relationship that wasn't about control but maybe I will never find that and if I don't that's ok. I spent my life compromising for others, I'm done with that now.